The ability to find happiness feels like an elusive and painful process. I am hoping this is just an issue of my twenties. I want so very much for this stage of my life to be over. I want an ease in stress and depression. I am starting to think that Zoloft might be the only cure. Who cares if I can't orgasm? So fucking what? What's the use of an orgasm if I am having fantasies of slicing my throat at all times? Being at home doesn't help. I cannot blame my parents. But then again, being back up is a total nightmare. I want no more to do with H, and I am so obsessed with A--like an illness. I am in so much pain, it feels like madness. Mom's therapist told me to think of ways to calm myself down--sooth myself. I have to think of things that are true about me....truths that calm me down.
He said number one, I was very attractive. That is not the first time he has said that. It is such a pleasure to me that he thinks so.
Number two, he said I did very well in my classes. That is true. In Anatomy, Physio, and Micro = all A's.
Number 3, I am a kind and generous person. I do the best I can to be a good friend.
Number 4, I dance Lindy swing! And it gives me great joy
Number 5, I have good friends who are beautiful, beautiful creatures.
5 weeks ago
No comments:
Post a Comment