Yowza

Who knew Dionne Farris was hot? I had a random urge to listen to "I Know," and looked her up on youtube...only to find her looking kinda butch and really hot in the video.

Then I looked at "Hopeless"--and she looked so much like Danielle, the Goddess I got to work with last Fall. I wonder if I'll ever see Danielle again. It feels like I never will. As if the powers that be just made her a moment in my life to tease me. It's bizarrely unfair. When I was around Danielle I couldn't quite breathe right. She was more beautiful than I thought anyone could ever be. I must have been such a lapdog to her, looking at her with puppydog eyes. I feel like there must have been a reason I met her. I hope I live long enough to find out why.



I saw some pictures of Dionne Farris now..and she's all made up with makeup and long hair. She apparently had kids...and is busy raising them. She did have an album out last year. As soon as I saw her current pictures and read about the kids I felt so disappointed. I really wanted her to be gay. I really liked her look in the 90s. Very hot. She is still very beautiful now, just in a very feminine way (BLAH).

Ex-roommate K is married to a Black woman, M. M is very butch. Not my taste at all, thankfully. Still, it would be kinda funny/horrible if K and I were attracted to the same kind of women. K's second girlfriend was horrendous. As charming as a falling anvil. That girl hated my guts, anyway. Knew I wanted K, and flaunted the fact that she got her and I didn't.

There is one romantic prospect in the form of this odd guy named Brent. But he appears to be some sort of slut. Same with this other guy, Martin. Lately when I find a cute single guy he turns out to have a following of Asian women. Ugh.

Straight men are so tedious and dull. At least I've had no luck. At the choir reunion I found myself flirting with a married man (Yes, I'm horrible!). It happened when I turned during rehearsals for the concert, and saw B, the older brother of my friend in a cult. It was very mechanical and automatic...I was attracted, the gears turned, and I found myself flirting like a maniac. He responded, I enjoyed it. Luckily sis poked me in the ribs and reminded me 1. He's a douche, and played mindgames with a friend of ours years ago, 2. He's married, and 3. He has kids. I had to force myself out of my hunting mode. It wasn't easy. When I looked at him and smiled, he smiled back. He was a hot fucker. At one point sis hissed, "His wife is right there!" And I saw her--this pissed off pregnant lady. Apparently she is always pregnant and pissed off at choir get-togethers. It's a red flag. He's gorgeous, flirtatious, and charming as hell. And she's always pregnant and pissed off. He's probably a horrible husband. Lovely to screw, but bad at everything else. Anyway, I need to stop acting like a single woman who hasn't been laid in three years. It's not dignified, and women out there deserve more out of me. I owe it to myself to stop behaving like my own worst nightmare.