I Did It!

I deleted my fucking ex from myspace. I feel like I've severed an artery, but it had to be done. I'm sick and tired of crying about Ballykissangel, and projecting all my inner psychic turmoil and agonies onto the ill-fated romance of that show, and letting a fictional show devastate me this deeply. I was crying to my mom about it (twice) and she was surprisingly kind and compassionate. She used a lot of euphemisms when I asked her if she thought I was weird, and told me a lot of kind things. I can't care about a fictional romance, or even that real romances don't always last. I just can't care. I am in awe of people who go through relationships like water. Do they just never give their hearts away, or do they manage a bullet-proof, emotional-protective shell tightly wound around their hearts by their 6th relationship? Anyway. I'd been thinking of deleting my ex for months, but it has always been too hard. Now I feel like drinking myself under the table. Something violent and destructive and insane. I would love to jump out of a plane right now, bungee jump from the sky during a lightning storm. Or go to the top of a mountaintop and just scream and scream and scream. My contacts are pissed at me for all my crying. All the salt from the tears has managed to form a weird haze over my vision, and it's as if even my eyesight is in mourning as well. The two contacts I use and rotate give me blurry vision. I guess I need to get a new pair of contacts and wear glasses for now.

Ballykissangel

Breakfast: 1 bowl Special K fruit & yogurt cereal with milk

Lunch: really big salad: leafy greens, some corn, pieces of turkey, cherry tomatoes, shredded carrots, parmesan cheese, and caesar dressing

One 4 oz. piece of bbq brisket.

1 bottle of water

Snack: 1 cup of sweetened corn, 1 SlimFast chocolate meal bar, water

Dinner: medium amount of spinach, 4 oz. marinara pasta
1 slice of coconut bread
medium slice chocolate cake
water

Johnny Mnemonic

8:30am Breakfast: 1 bowl Special K fruit & yogurt cereal with milk

10:45 am Snack: 2 glazed donut holes (1 is cinnamon and the other is pumpkin flavored)

12:15 pm Lunch: 13 oz. salad: spring mix, a few pieces of turkey, 1 boiled egg, a couple pieces of red and green bell peppers, sprinkling of corn and parmesan cheese, and balsamic vinaigrette

Snack: gum

4:24 pm Slimfast chocolate bar (Supposed to stop hunger for 4 hours. It soooo doesn't work)

Dinner: 10 oz. seafood marinara pasta with spinach, 2 large pieces of pineapple, 1/2 of banana cream pie slice, water

Purr-fect President

There was an article about the New York Cat Show, and I saw some pictures of the two felines fighting for the title of "Purr-fect President."

There's Obama (I love the expression on his face! Full of hope! Ready for change!)

And then there's McCain!
As much as I love Obama--in both human form and in feline form, I can't deny that the McCain cat is damn cute. The moment I laid eyes on that furry mug I thought: "McCain!" and "Awwww!" I can just imagine this cat meowing about what a maverick he is.

Point Break

Tuesday

Breakfast:
3 buttered lego eggo waffles with syrup (as much as I love Lego waffles, ultimately, they're not worth it. They are so light and airy, that it's like eating air. No feeling of substance. The lack of real satisfaction, plus all the fat and sugar...just not worth it.They'd be perfect if there was a waffle-eating contest. Then you could stuff a bunch in your mouth at a time.)

Lunch:
Slimfast

Dinner:
2 piece meal from KFC: leg & thigh original, rice & gravy hybrid (I didn't know they sold rice!), one small corn, and water

Say Hi to Your Mother For Me

My coworker invited me to hang out with her and her dad after work today. He turned out to be charming as hell. A bit flirtatious too. My coworker's father did leave her mom for a younger woman. I could see how it happened. This guy is always on the prowl. When he spoke to me, he did not relate to me in a paternal, indifferent, mildly friendly way. Instead he spoke to me as if we were peers, as if he was dying to know all about me. Anyway, he kept getting calls and disappearing, and that was when she filled me in on some more juicy stuff about her life. Her wealthy affluent father never supported her or her siblings, and there were days when they starved. She had a lot of anger towards him growing up, but was able to get over it when she had her son. She wanted her son to know his grandpa. So things are a little better. Anyway, every time I hang out with this chick we have these heavy and delightful conversations. She is always having some sort of catastrophic breakdown/ life change, but it's not like a simple car accident. Her problems are beautifully horrific and erotic and violent and passionate, all of it based on some sort of juicy moral dilemma. She is so unafraid to reveal the messiness of her life, so humble and hard-working and yet she is always so unfailingly nice and classy. Every time she shares her problems it always takes my breath away. And here I thought my problems were something! Hers are so epic and humongous, they are brave, courageous, frightening, and beautiful and human.

It kinda gives me the creeps that I find her so likable. She told me that she used to be a pathological liar. *shivers*

At the Villa of Reduced Circumstances

5:30 am 1 bowl of Special K fruit & yogurt cereal with milk

lunch:
24 oz. seafood marinara pasta with parmesan

snack:
2 micro candy bars
2 slices of coconut bread

dinner:
buttered paratha
1 vegetable samosa

Twilight Cheese

So the third trailer for "Twilight" is now out. I wonder if anyone making this film stopped and considered the cheese factor of it all. The book was enjoyable to read, but it's cheese factor was tolerable because it was hidden in a book. No one around you would suspect you were reading so much cheese. But someone decided to turn this into a film--and now the cheese-ness has grown exponentially. First it was just a cheesy idea in Stephanie Meyer's head, and now it's been acted out by actors who seem just as cheesed out by the film itself (Both Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart look sheepish and embarrassed when they do publicity for the film, and equally bewildered and surprised by all the hype). When I saw that a third trailer was out, part of me held on to hope that it would be less cheesy than the others, but it got even cheesier! I feel embarrassed by it all, and yet I'll be first in line November 21st. Even it's a cheesy film, I hope it somehow captures the addictive and guilty pleasure experienced from reading the first book. At least I like Robert and Kristen.

Mars, Bringer of War

So I have a lump in my right armpit. I had tried ignoring it for a week, and then applying a hot compress (after reading all sorts of articles about lumps in pits), and it has only gotten bigger and more unpleasant. For the past couple of nights I wake up and feel my right arm cramping--as if I've been pitching a ball towards someone at bat with my right arm for hours on end during the night. That this stupid lump is affecting my entire right arm--with my right hand feeling like there is not enough blood getting to it--it freaks me out. I called the medical people, and I have an appointment to get it seen in a month. Or I wake up early and call tomorrow, and it's all a lottery whether they can see me or not. It's probably my lymph nodes. Or a cyst that has formed from an ingrown hair. Sis says I should probably invest in Nads, or some other waxing stuff because Me + Shaving + Lazy Shaving Techniques = lovely lady lumps. I feel freakish with my lump--as if I have three nipples or a third eye, or fluorescent yellow skin. I feel self-conscious about exposing my right armpit when I stretch or hold my arm out in public if I wear a tanktop. The weather has been so warm that wearing anything else feels bizarre. Maybe I should paint the lump bright red, because then it becomes a bit exciting if anyone sees it. But that probably would look obscene.

I cooked for...what felt like 7 hours, when it was only 3. I made about 7 lbs. of pork and chicken adobo. I was struggling to keep the kitchen clean and the sink empty of soiled things, but it's hard when you are cooking something that is damn labor intensive, and sauce is always bubbling everywhere. Chopping destroyed my already bloodless right hand, and handling raw meat and meat bones always gives my hands millions of miniscule incisions that sting when I soak the meat in marinade. Then there is browning the meat in the wok, then having it stew in it's sauce on the stove. We had Brian join us for dinner, and he and sis said a lot of nice things about how it turned out. *phew* When the food was finally cooked, I felt such an intense wave of exhaustion pass through my body. I wonder how real chefs do this all the time.

I listened to Ricky Gervais' podcast as I cooked. It's very funny, although I found Ricky a bit harsh in his attacks on Karl Pilkington--who has become inadvertedly the star of the show. Karl is an absolute genius. All his ideas are a lovely blend of mundane, bizarre, illogical, and profound. Stephen Merchant was also on--I could listen to his lovely stories all day. He is quite the storyteller. Comedians are the best. They point out their own flaws before you can, attack themselves mercilessly, and affectively make their strange aspects endearing. At least that is how it is with Stephen with his freakish height (6'7"), beanpole figure, and "bulbous eyes" (as he has described himself). Stephen's character of Darren Lamb in "Extras" is one of my favorites in the show. He exploits his own physicality until he is the funniest-looking creature you've ever seen. The thing is, when you see this guy in interviews he's actually a dapper fellow. How beautiful to be so unafraid of one's flaws as to exploit them, and laugh first...

Stephen Merchant!

Breakfast:
1 bowl Special K fruit & yogurt cereal

Lunch:
large salad with balsamic vinaigrette

medium amount of meat lasagna

1 Yoplait strawberry cheesecake yogurt

Dinner:
1 polish hot dog with mayo, mustard, & relish

1 stick of gum

Ooh! Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying

Breakfast:
1 bowl Special K Fruit & Yogurt cereal with milk

I forgot what came after. Um...a bunch of food.

Forgetting Freddy Krueger

Breakfast:
2 bowls of Special K fruit & yogurt cereal with 2 cups of milk

I feel better when I stick to one bowl, but my coworker bailed out on me today, and so I have extra stress. My evil boss is coming in her place. I hope that the girls are well-behaved today.

My ex's bday is round the corner, and already I feel overcome with grief. I want to be a nice person, and be happy for the good times, but I think this Saturday is going to be my national day of mourning.

Snack:
2 oreos

Dunch:
nicely sized salad with balsamic vinaigrette
3 pieces of luscious pineapple
...waiting on the entree (cooking it)

two sizable portions of meat lasagna
1/2 cup Mango Soy ice cream