I Did It!

I deleted my fucking ex from myspace. I feel like I've severed an artery, but it had to be done. I'm sick and tired of crying about Ballykissangel, and projecting all my inner psychic turmoil and agonies onto the ill-fated romance of that show, and letting a fictional show devastate me this deeply. I was crying to my mom about it (twice) and she was surprisingly kind and compassionate. She used a lot of euphemisms when I asked her if she thought I was weird, and told me a lot of kind things. I can't care about a fictional romance, or even that real romances don't always last. I just can't care. I am in awe of people who go through relationships like water. Do they just never give their hearts away, or do they manage a bullet-proof, emotional-protective shell tightly wound around their hearts by their 6th relationship? Anyway. I'd been thinking of deleting my ex for months, but it has always been too hard. Now I feel like drinking myself under the table. Something violent and destructive and insane. I would love to jump out of a plane right now, bungee jump from the sky during a lightning storm. Or go to the top of a mountaintop and just scream and scream and scream. My contacts are pissed at me for all my crying. All the salt from the tears has managed to form a weird haze over my vision, and it's as if even my eyesight is in mourning as well. The two contacts I use and rotate give me blurry vision. I guess I need to get a new pair of contacts and wear glasses for now.