Must Remember

Before I forget...I must remember

successful if nerve-wracking gram stain test / streak plate

30/25 (extra credit!) for math serial dilution quiz

Calling Melvin, calling Shoole--her answering...a very lovely 45 minutes with them. Her telling me she had hoped I would call. The great feeling I got from her.

The productive and friendly study meeting for drug dosages.

Offering Gita a ride home
being invited in for tea
having chai tea made for me from scratch! seeing her toss in a handful of spices and a piece of cinnamon stick into brewing milk
telling her my big secret
her jaw dropping in shock
her saying he was so sexy
her showing me pictures of Nepal
having Nepalese food for dinner
the pork dish is AMAZING
realizing that Nepalese food is AMAZING and I might like it better than Indian food
her explaining to me all of his signals

realizing that this crush is officially reciprocated

not quite able to handle it

surprised and high of the fact that these two guys like me

feeling burdened by the responsibility of their feelings

giddy and stupid over tomorrow

I have been waking up at 4am for the past week. Am starting to feel brain dead and high.

Have been bonding with a woman from Central Africa, a woman from Nigeria, a woman from Nepal, a woman from Mexico. Relishing and enjoying these moments.

Definitely NOT watching my diet, exercising, or sleeping very much...and yet not feeling guilty one bit. Things aren't fitting right, but my heart is consumed with this goal. The lovely numb feeing of a goal. The ability to shut out pain. I am loving this bandaid, if this is all it is. I am loving this tunnel vision very much.

Adore Dr. Perez and Dr. Levine SO MUCH.

Trying really hard to absorb as much of this happiness as much as I can.

Telling mom about my visiting Gita, and her enjoyment from the story

High off "Battlestar Galactica," the hottie Apollo, and thinking about my crush

Thinking about how these two guys are confused as hell on who I like. Realizing I had somehow gotten their attention. Wanting to laugh at the preposterous idea of getting in between two men. Ridiculous. Absurd.

Enjoying my immunity from needing people right now. Enjoying my lack of needyness. Am grateful for this respite. This peace has been hard earned. It comes with a growing inability to trust or hope in more from people, but at least it spares me further pain.

Love Dr. Levine's almostsexy bow and hand flourish when she suddenly opened the door for me and friend. 64 year-old-women are still hot! Especially scientists! Who climb trees and have piercing eyes! I adore her.