Unusual Way

Irene's recital is haunting me. I am having the hardest time in focusing. I don't want to study when I am at home. Studying is such a lonely process, filled with self doubt and self loathing. I don't want to tap into that misery when I am at home. I would rather be with my Mom and Dad, and to absorb their love. I hate that Dad wants us to leave at 4am. It just makes me bonkers. I have yet to pack. The appointment to see Dr. Long was emotionally draining. I felt embarrassed talking about my problems. I felt like I was trying to convince someone that my stupid feelings mattered. It just feels cartoonish to bitch and moan in front of a sagely old man in the clinic area of his gorgeous, stunning Beverly Hills home. I mean, how could someone like that relate to someone like me? How can my problems even matter in the slightest? And then after, mom and I had a mini fight. And I am actually impressed with Mom...after I reacted sensitively to the words she said, she backtracked, and explained what she meant. And I felt her words make more sense.
Anyway. Irene sang so many gorgeous, stunning songs. All her songs felt like they were tiny wounds in my heart...all of them beautiful and a little sad. I am itching to go karaoke again. Itching!