I miss you, Charlotte!

When I was in So. Cal, I had a moment with my mom when we spoke about Charlotte, this good friend who had passed away some years ago. She was my mother's good friend, but when she was alive we always seemed to hold our breath about her, because she was too good to be true, too lovely, too generous, too talented, glamorous and worldly,...unforgettable. When someone like that graces you with their friendship, it is bizarrely impossible to express openly how much you love and appreciate them. I think we never quite believed it, she was sorta unreal--like a fairy godmother I had always wanted. An older woman who always seemed to look out for me, sis, and my mom. When she died it feels like a part of my mom died as well. She does not talk about it. I sense it is such a deep and shocking loss to her. I was playing my clarinet, dusting off my old music, and mom joined me for some duets. We did Weber's Concertino--one of our favorites, and one that I was so fortunate to play in my very last recital (? Who knows, maybe one day I will get lessons again and have more recitals) with the overly qualified, toured-Europe-with-the-Vienna-Boys-Choir Charlotte. So, playing the Concertino made me think of Charlotte. After that, we reminisced about the old days, talking about my different clarinet tutors over the years (and each of their interesting and peculiar personalities), my horrible practicing habits, and Charlotte. After a silent pause, I burst into tears and told my mom how much I missed her. My mom's response was, "How do you think I feel?" She knew her so much more--she must miss her infinitely more. Yet these days, after not thinking about Charlotte for some years, she has been popping up in my heart a lot, in my mind. I cannot play the clarinet and not think about her. Her memory haunts me. It horrifies me that Charlotte's family has not allowed friends to visit Charlotte's grave. I hate that they don't seem to realize how important it is to grieve her loss and celebrate her life. My mom says their family is very private. If there is an after-life...I hope Charlotte somehow knows how important she was to these Saddul women.

Speaking of good friends, it was lovely to see uno de mis mejores amigos, Anthony, while we were in town. Anthony is so tiiiight and in shape, it's amazing!

My phone died. It did leave me one farewell message: "Insert your SIM card." This flashed, and then it zonked out. I pulled out the battery to see if the SIM card had fallen out, but it was still there. And then I turn on and off my cell several times and was only greeted with this frozen scene saying "Cingular." It's like it's frozen. It is "on," but I can't access anything. Pooo!

Three Cool Things:

1. Therapy went well. Jade has the best energy. I only have two more sessions with her. I have really enjoyed meeting with her. I will miss her a lot.

2. Really lovin' my new glasses. I just love it. It works with my hair. With hair and glasses combined, I feel immune from unwanted male attention! Yay! I guess it doesn't give me wanted male attention either, but I'm just happy to get rid of the gross attention I was getting with the long hair.

3. Brian was really sweet to us, and I love how he treats my sis. I am touched by it very much.